I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
