My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
