It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
