my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
