I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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