Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
