sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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