i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
