last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
