I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
