You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's rum buckets o'clock
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize