Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
