Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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