i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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