the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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