Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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