I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
