I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
