yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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