I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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