just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
