my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
