They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
