Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
