I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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