so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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