**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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