I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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