Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
