I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
