Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
