Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
