Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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