Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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