remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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