She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Where is the hickey?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
