zippers are such a cool invention
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
