he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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