dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
