I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
