Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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