im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
