i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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