Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
