if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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