you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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