Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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