You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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