Where did you get a picture of my penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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