All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
