The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
