Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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