My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
