She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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