I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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