Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
