my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
