Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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