Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
