Do you still have your period?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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