a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
