If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
