So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
