so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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