no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
