Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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