There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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