Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
