Pappa wants mamma naked
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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