Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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