he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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