They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
