just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
